And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
pop tarts are not kleenex
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
