Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize