she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
