The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
