nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can I color on your dick again?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
