dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
