Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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