His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
