Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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