The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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