I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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