Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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