Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
