guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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