idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
