Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I deserve this hangover.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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