P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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