bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize