He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
