Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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