Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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