Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
