alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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