Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Terrible idea I love it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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