Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
