At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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