Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
