Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
