Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
being pregnant is like rehab
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
