i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
