We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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