I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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