even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
