I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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