did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize