if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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