Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
