if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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