I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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