I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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