At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
