He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
