this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
