she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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