Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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