Are we in a gay sports bar?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
