I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
