I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
