Those balls look pretty dangerous.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
