It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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