Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
