Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
