the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize