She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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