Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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