So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
