I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
