i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
