Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
