After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
