She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
